Needing Counseling

Posted on Wed May 12th, 2021 @ 1:28am by Lieutenant Lily Marlow

Mission: A Day In The Life
Location: Counselor's office
3734 words - 7.5 OF Standard Post Measure

Lily was feeling fatigued, she didn't know whether it was mental fatigue from dealing with the Adna Station or something more. A few times she has gone into Medical just looking into that vast area, wondering if she had bitten off more than she could chew. She was enthusiastic about being the CMO, and felt she had done her job well, but, the aftermath of Adna, seemed to just have taken something away from her. Could it be battle fatigue? Lily wasn't certain, and she didn't feel that her mind could fairly make its own diagnosis.

She needed to talk to someone whom could help her follow the bread crumbs of her thoughts and perhaps come up with advice or a solution. She asked the computer if Coen was in his office or somewhere else. #

'Councelor Zacci is currently located in the mess hall' came the swift reply from the computer.

Lily headed down to the mess hall, stepping inside gazing around, her hand moved towards where she normally had a bag with some of her oranges and apples inside but, she forgot it! Lily did feel hungry and felt she had better get something for herself to eat before going to talk to Zacci. Once that was accomplished she scanned the messhall and her eyes stopped on where the counselor was seated.

She walked over towards him, and stopped, "Hi, Counselor Zacci? May I join you?"

"Please", the young, almost Italian looking, if not for the tell tale ridge on his forehead denoting him as Napien young man smiled up at the women. She would be the first on the ship to stop and talk to him, or he assumed that's what it was given how quiet the mess was. He could see from her uniform she was either medical or science and if he recalled the manifest correctly... "Doctor Marlow if I am correct?"

Lily smiled, "Yes, I am Doctor Marlow, CMO." she set her tray down, then took a seat across the table from him. "Welcome aboard the USS Majestic. She looked around, noting that there was hardly any one there. "Looks like we're here in between meal rush. It can get a bit crowded in here at times. And sometimes noisy." picking up her spoon to take a bite of her, beef stew.

She looked at the two rolls she had on her tray and motioned to them, "Care for one of these?" Lily asked Coen.

"I've just finished eating but thank you for the offer."
He smiled at the women before changing tack. "I was planning to report in with you next, you saved me a confusing and difficult attempt to find sickbay".

"How fortuitous, well once I get done here, I can take you on a tour and I can show you the way to sickbay, as well as to my other office. I've got a room set up for my.. what people have termed it, strange arts of healing. Acupuncture and acupressure." giving a bit of a smile. Then set to eating her stew, pausing to ask, "How long have you known, Captain Rutherford?"

"A few years... not as long as I have known his wife. I'm grateful she accepted a role on board... Might make it easier for me to find my feet with a friend or two here!"

He chuckled lightly, his slightly Italian like accent lilting with his words. "I believe the last mission was something of a challenge... How are the crew holding up?"

"I am not certain as of yet how they are doing, though T'Par seems to be holding up pretty well from that experience. As for myself, I don't know if I am wanting to continue being the CMO. It was my dream to be the CMO of someplace, and I have been but now, I am questioning myself as to, can I stay as such, or shall I take a step down to maybe being just an Assistant Chief of Medical. Commander Sommers, he's got the credentials and the knowledge as well. " Lily mused half to herself and also to Coen.

She took another bite or two, almost lost in thought.

"Well I am always here if you need a sounding board... Sometimes just talking about how you feel is therapy in and of itself".

He was keeping a tight reign on his empathic senses, not wanting to invade the woman's privacy even though it would be the easiest way to know how she was feeling. Simply put, that wasn't his style.
"Maybe talking about the events of the last mission might help!"

"Well, it was very challenging, and I am feeling, oh I don't know. Out of my element in some aspect. Or maybe I am just feeling like my nerves are a bit raw. I had come to the Majestic as CMO a few months back, deemed ready to take on that role. Previously I was assistant chief medical officer, then became the acting CMO, when the CMO of the USS Nighthawk had been killed during a fight with pirates. That happened when the ship we were escorting was attacked." as she gave a bit of grimace at the memory that popped up.

" We managed to get back to the station but there was going to be major repairs made." she paused to think over the next part then stated. "It was unexpected to have to deal with an insane AI that ran a station, which was populated with Holopeople. And said station did not have any safety protocols active. I wasn't expecting to deal with loss of life on some or severely injured. I was able to deal with it though. However it brought back memories of what had happened to my previous ship. I am thinking at this moment it would be best for me to step down in that role. There is someone who, I feel, will do a good job as CMO. Am I wrong in wanting to do so?"

"If you feel it is the right thing for you then what harm could it create but I would advise that you sleep on it, look at it with a fresh perspective in the morning and talk to others about it... Sometimes gathering alternative perspectives is a wise course of action".

He contemplated the woman before him, gently allowing his empathic sense to brush her mind but she was very guarded and aware of herself, more than she possibly realised. He found that she had an instinctive resistance to his abilities, something a betazoid would not have trouble with but Napiens had a much weaker sense.

"I'll sleep on it, definitely." Lily replied. "And will talk about it with others too. I've got a couple to talk to in mind all ready. Now, with that out of the way. Shall we take care of your medical?" giving a soft smile. "I'm sure I will be talking with you more at a later date. I find you, easy to talk to."

"I'd be in the wrong line of work if you didn't" he laughed to himself fully aware he was laughing at his own joke once again. "I must admit I missed my last physical on my last posting... I shipped out a little to quick for my old Doctor to cope with!"

Lily laughed at his joke, the laugh having a musical quality to it. "Well, it won't take long but if you are finished eating, and I am as well we can head to medical and get that taken care of. Or, I can show you my other office first. It is really soothing, well I think it is."

"Lead on Doctor, I put myself in your hands entirely... I'd only be wandering the halls lost and alone otherwise".
Once again he chuckled at his own joke, this was starting to become almost like a nervous tick for him.

Lily led Coen in the direction of the lift then to the level where her massage therapy office was located. "Not too far from main sick bay. " she stated, When they arrived at the door she paused, "Welcome to my place of escape." giving a bit of a laugh.

The door opened up to a warm looking environment with an area near a large viewscreen, a carpeted area where two comfortable chairs were set. On one side with a pulled back screen, was a massage chair, as well as a table with parallel bars above it. Also there were shelves that Lily had her different oils and also the acupuncture needles in boxes. Also nestled there were sheets and towels with which she utilized as well. Also there were some aromatherapy containers which she utilized when doing treatments as well. She had a potted plant which looked like a citrus tree with a full spectrum light ot give it needed light for growth. That light had a time on it in order to imitate the night and day. Also there were some potted herbs, one of which was lavender in bloom.

"Welcome to my other office." Lily stated. "Would you like me to make some tea for you?" it could be seen that she was relaxing in this environment. "This viewscreen I normally put some sort of peaceful scenery to help people relax while I do their treatment."

"I think perhaps you should have taken the role of Counsellor looking at this room... You could be the psychiatric holistic therapist with this set up, its incredible. I never thought I would see a facility like this on a Starship!"
Coen started to meander around the room fully taken aback at how well equipped it was. It could easily rival a starbase.

"I can work alongside a counselor but, me being a counselor, I am more of a naturopathic doctor/modern doctor. Using natural treatments along side the advanced medicine. Together, we can treat the person both mentally and physically. " Lily stated with a smile.

"Sounds like the start of a beautiful friendship" Coen took a seat and cocked his head to one side, motioning for her to take a seat as well. Something was bothering her and he still didn't know her well enough to put a figure on it. Was it simply the last few weeks having a measurable toll on her or was there something else behind the smile. He didn't want to push too much but perhaps a conversation would allow her to open up a bit more.

"Talk to me Doctor. I'm sensing some worry and apprehension from you. It could be what you've told me already and how its affected you..." he allowed the last statement to hang between them.

Lily smiled at his comment then it faded away. "Well earlier, I did state my wanting to step down from being CMO. And my feeling an echo of what I felt like on the USS Nighthawk when we were attacked. Did I go back to duty too soon? I'm not certain. " Lily taking a seat. "I passed all the exams, and was found fit to go back to duty. but on the way here, I had a dream of being on another ship, where my dead best friend was alive and well. It brought back memories of when I had lost her." Lily could feel tears starting to well up. "No.. .don't cry." she said to herself. "Oh gosh I am going to pieces. I don't want this. No crying anymore. I don't want to get you wet." she stated, trying to make a joke to break through her tears.

"I can swim!" he offered a gentle smile, encouraging her to continue her train of thought. More than anything his job was simply to listen and advise. On rare occasions that called for him to intervene medically he would, but here he felt all she needed was to let everything go in a safe comfortable place where only he could see her expose her soul. He found a box of tissues near to hand and passed them over to her.

Lily took it and dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose. "I don't know if I can talk about my friend who died." her fist clenched and unclenched. "I'd like to, I'd like to talk about that vision. I know she is dead, but she seemed so alive. I saw her die. I saw her....No shutting down.. Can't shut down.. Lily, pull yourself together... happy thoughts...walls crumbling down.. Must put them back up..."

Lily looked at Coen, desperation in her eyes, her breathing changing rapidly. "Bring me back, pressure points." with trembling finger pointed to between the eyebrows, then to a point on the shoulder muscles then an inch below the skull on both sides of the spine on the neck muscles. "I am sorry you have to deal with this." she sobbed, "its not happened to me in a long time..." she closed her eyes curling up on her side. Going silent as her mind was swept away back to when her friend had been killed.

"If I could make an observation... Whatever is pulling you away is an open wound that needs dressing and that can only be done if you face it head on!"
He was matter of fact and direct, disregarding what she was feeling in favour of wanting her to tackle things rather than put things to one side for a later time that would never come.

Coen's words resounded within Lily as she didn't fight this time, allowing her mind to go back to that nightmarish time. When her best friend was killed right before her eyes. Well that is, the cabin her friend was living in had been destroyed. She watched herself coming back from running an errand, her friend having been in mourning of her fiance being killed.

Lily watched as she saw herself coming up to the gate and the cabin exploding, her being knocked back, her head spinning, feeling the incoming waves of unconsciousness. And voices. Something wasn't seeming right, the voices. Something had blocked her memory of what else happened. They have said that those who were unconscious still heard what was going on nearby. Lily was wondering what it was she had heard. That may have been blocked out until now. She had to dig down deep, what was locked away in her memory that she didn't realize or want to remember something.

She battered at the locked door, which stopped her from remembering, "Open Up!" she mentally screamed, she had to know. she had to know though she felt terror well up inside. what lay behind that door. It opened and she stepped through, hearing voices.

"Is she all right? I had hoped she wouldn't get back so soon."

Annabelle, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

"I can't believe you had me believe you were dead. I could just kill you for making me go through all the pain and agony."

"I had to let you believe, it had to be real but I just couldn't leave you to suffer anymore so... this charade is going to be continued, but it will be on her now."

"I can't .. I just can't leave her like this. We've got to get some help for her. She's been injured. "

"Don't worry love, she won't be alone. Help is on the way. "

"I heard her scream out for me, I had to check on her. I can't do this to Lily."

A sob.

"Annabelle, we have to leave, we just have to leave. She won't be alone for much longer."

"Okay... I.. what if she finds out, she'll hate me for the rest of her life. "

"You told her not to come, but she didn't listen. And she won't remember anything, she is unconscious. She doesn't know you are alive and well, and so am I."

"you don't know that.... "

"Come along Annabelle, it is time to go, they are coming near and she will have help. "

A kiss on the forehead, "Good bye sister of my heart, I'm sorry." and then nothing.

Lily looked at her own unconscious form lying on the ground, feeling an excruciating pain tear through her temples. Her eyes fluttered open, as she gasped.

"No, why, why couldn't I remember that?" Then she told Coen what had happened in her mind.

"I could sense, without needing to scan you that there was some kind of neural block be it self imposed or laid on you by someone or something else. It wasn't strong but it was enough to stop you pushing to remember!"
Coen leaned forward in his chair to touch Lilly's knee with his hand, a small gesture of support and letting her know subconciously that the hurt and pain she was feeling would be completely natural and normal, something else that she would need to work through but letting her know that he would be there for her.
"What can you tell us about the other person with Annabelle?"

"He was about 6'0" with dark hair, a handsome chap who treated Annabelle very nice, we went to school together. He had green eyes, no weren't they a dark light brown. " Lily rubbed her temples in order to get herself to remember. "I think his name was Lucian Zamfir or was it Dragos. It's difficult to pinpoint. I think he was in Intelligence."

"Starfleet intelligence?" Coen asked unable to hide his own surprise from his otherwise calm and dulcet tones. This had certainly turned in a direction he had not seen coming and now he openly began to brush her mind with his own, searching for any other clues as to where this had started to come from.

As Lily recounted her memories, Coen would feel a mixture of disbelief, sorrow, anger. Heartbreak.

"Yes, Starfleet Intelligence. Annabelle and..Lucian met grew close and definitely were in love. I had a boyfriend at the time so the four of us started going on double dates, it was great fun." Feelings of happiness and fondness All four of us meshed well together, it seemed. I was rather watchful where Lucian was concerned as Annabelle had dealt with a rather bad breakup a year previously. They first started as friends and then it grew into more. He proposed and she accepted. It was a beautiful occasion and rather romantic. feelings of happiness and joyThey knew each other for two years before that happened. They made plans for a small intimate wedding, he was assigned to somewhere, and he had planned on coming back to get married, then we got that terrible news. He had been killed while on a mission. sorrow

"Now I am finding out that they are alive well at least back then and I've been carrying the burden of mourning, grief, guilt of not being able to save her." And Lily was feeling definitely angry and confused.

It was a wash of feelings and sensations that he was struggling to make sense of, each one tumbling over the other and it was threatening to overwhelm him mind and body so he pulled his empathic ability back and built the wall back up around so he was only within himself once more.

"I'm not sure what to say Lily... I have a feeling that this may stretch far beyond my reach as your Counsellor!"

Lily reached out a hand towards Coen, bringing her storm of emotions back under control. "I am really sorry about that. I hadn't any idea as to what was locked up inside my head. You have done your job well, Coen. " Lily responded, and blushing, feeling a bit embarrassed by the whole situation. "I am hoping I haven't made you regret helping me out here."

"Of course you haven't. Its my job!"
He squeezed her hand once more before returning to business. "I would like to speak to you again and I would suggest attempting to contact Starfleet Intelligence to enquire about this person... But obviously that is your choice. I just think for your own peace of mind you may want to find some answers"

"I am planning on doing so, I want to know why it was blocked etc. Where my friend is and is she alive?" Lily paused and looked at Coen. "With all the help you have given to me, is there anything I can do for you?" Lily asked.

"There is one thing... You could help me find my quarters!"
A cheeky smile blossomed across his features making him look even more youthful than his usual chisel jawed stoicism.

"I can do that easily enough. " Lily rising up from the sofa, grinning. "And you can guarantee I will be also talking to you more in your office too. On official business and also off the time clock too." She offered a hand up to Zacci, "Shall we go? And also hopefully you will avail yourself of this." motioning around the room "I can help out with at least with body stress."

"It sounds like the start of a beautiful friendship!"
He chuckled, starting towards the door and turning right as he left, hoping that was at the very least in the right general direction!

Lily walked beside Zacci, " You've got a good instinct for where your quarters are at. " she remarked "Just around that bend and a few doors down." pointing where the hall curved. In just a few minutes, the two of them arrived in front of his doorway. "Here you are, safe and sound."

"I had a feeling you would have called me the other direction once I turned right!"

His cheeky smile once again lighting up his features while he was taking everything in. Admittedly one starship corridor was much the same as the next but he needed to be aware of everything as this would allow him to gauge the crews morale and mental state much easier in the future.
"Thank you for the help... I won't keep you any longer".

"You are most welcome, and thank you for your help. Talk about past history hidden away." Lily giving a smile. "I will see you later then." giving him a wave as she proceeded further down the hall towards her own quarters.

END