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Self Doubts

Posted on Sat Feb 29th, 2020 @ 1:37am by Ensign Ian O'Sullivan

Mission: Promenade
Location: Starbase 50, Ian's temporary quarters
Timeline: MD 02 20:30 (during crew's movie night)
429 words - 0.9 OF Standard Post Measure

Ian continued to stare at the screen.

There had to be some mistake.

Fight Control?

How did this happen?

…Again!

First his cadet cruise, now his first assignment. Every opening he’d put in for had been science. His major was science. He’d expected that his cadet cruise would be science. The assignment to the Diplomatic Corps had taken him aback a bit but he then assumed he’d be serving in a science consultation role.

He’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit to almost quitting when he found out that he was going to be shuttle piloting all sorts of dignitaries around for months. Shaking his head, Ian couldn’t help a slight smile and chuckled to himself as he imagined what the notes of the counselling session after that had looked like.

He’d managed through it though. But not without a great deal denial, paranoia, fear and frivolous distraction. Plenty of that would not have been detailed in the counseling notes. Some would but not the fact that every time he sat down at a shuttle control panel Colleen and Patrick’s faces reflected back at him. Nor the fact that the sight, smell or taste of Colleen’s favorite dessert of lime jello now made him vomit. Nor the fact that his youngest sister’s birthday present was in his travel bag, still unsent from four months ago. Nor the fact that the smell of burnt popcorn had twice triggered a flashback that first launched a panic attack then left him sobbing on the floor for hours. None of those were in his files and he hoped they never would be.

However, what was in his records he’d have thought would have kept anyone in their right mind from putting him behind the controls of a vessel where hundreds of lives could be at stake. Again Ian had given serious consideration to walking away from Starfleet. Or was that running away?

It had been three days since the orders came through and he’d hitched a ride to Starbase 50. Three days of repeatedly pulling up the message and staring at a screen in disbelief. He’d gone to that screen so much he almost didn’t notice the new message blinking to grab his attention. He smiled seeing the sender line noting his uncle’s name; Commander Seamus O’Sullivan. Ian then noticed the oddity that the message was text only.

He opened it to find only two words:

You’re ready!




Ensign Ian O’Sullivan
Flight Control Officer

 

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