Unwinnable

Posted on Wed Apr 22nd, 2020 @ 11:20pm by Hak & Commodore Jane Saulitis

Mission: Cruel Meridian
Location: USS Meclenberg, Starfleet Academy Training Sim
Timeline: Flashback
2536 words - 5.1 OF Standard Post Measure

"Captain," Hak's voice cut through the cacophony of the post-battle jubilations among the bridge crew. Cadet Jane Saulitis was sitting in the center seat of the simulated bridge and calling her 'Captain' was a formality of the environment, something they'd often joked about when they weren't in the simulator. Now, however, it was said with a very serious urgency.

The debris field of the Gorn battle frigate lay before them and beyond that, the simulated hull of the Lysian Central Command space station, which the USS Meclenberg had just rightfully defended against a Gorn incursion.

The cadets around them all quieted down. So far, simulations in this command class had been rather 'normal' and quite predictable with a single desired outcome. Perhaps this simulation wasn't over.

"The Lysians are reporting damage to their fusion reactors," Hak continued, his eyes meeting with Jane's. "The gorn got a direct hit in."

Jane knew it was a stupid question as she didn't think this damn test would put anything in that wasn't critical. "They're going critical? How long?" She'd been on the edge of her seat the entire time and would really like to cuss out Hak for talking her into this in the first place. She was a pilot, not command material. Then again if she hadn't met him she might not have even been a pilot, she probably would have been stuck in a lab somewhere.

"They're unable to disengage power systems. Meltdown imminent. Five minutes?" Hak guessed, his voice going up an octave. "They're requesting evacuation. Fifteen thousand people." He, of course, didn't need to mention that FAR exceeded the emergency capacity of the Meclenberg's simulated specs.

"We need to be out of range when it explodes," an engineering cadet piped up from the opposite side of the bridge, re-settling herself back at her station.

"We'll get as many people off as we can. Put all emergency powers to the transporters, use every available one, including cargo bays." Fifteen thousand people?! There was no way, they would only be able to save a fraction of that. This felt like trying to save the ancient RMS Titanic. Jane took a deep breath and reminded herself that this was only a simulation after all.

"Radiation is interfering with the transporter lock," there was a brief pause as one of the operations cadets tried again, unsuccessfully, to lock onto the station. "I can get it, but we need to be closer."

"Then move us closer." Jane said without even thinking much about it. She wasn't going to just abandon everyone.

"Aye, sir," helm responded immediately as the ship banked hard starboard, cutting a path with the deflector array through the debris field.

---

Rubbing her forehead Jane exited the holodeck. "Well that was a wonderful disaster," she said to Hak as he followed her out. Her hair felt like it was coming down from all the violent shaking so she pulled out the clip and ran her fingers through it.

Hak quickened his pace a bit and caught up with Jane , then threw an arm around her shoulder, giving her a quick squeeze. "I thought it was a valiant effort," he assured her, then quickly dropped his side-hug and added, "I thought it was really something that Commander Turner applauded your ability to kill so many people so quickly. I guess boosting the transporter through the nav-dish was a bad theory. Now we know." He tried to sound optimistic, but knew he was failing.

She let out a cross between a laugh and a huff. "Thanks, icing on the cake there."

"Hey, what do you say we grab some dinner off-campus?" Hak asked, changing subjects. He and Jane had been good friends for some time, but he didn't need another study session -- he hoped for more. "I mean just the two of us," he added, trying to make a fine point before she invited the others.

"Alright," She nodded, not really thinking about the context of his words, only her rumbling stomach because she hadn't eaten anything before the test. She was a good five paces away before things clicked into place. "Wait . . . . did you just ask me out?" Jane was a fairly quiet person but the question came out quite strongly.

"I asked you to... fulfill the biological imperative of refueling our bodies, at the same time and location," Hak replied with an impishly smirk. "If you want to make that sound like a date, that's your prerogative I suppose. Captain, ma'am."

She rolled her eyes and continued to follow after him. "You could just say yes." It was, she decided. She'd caught him staring at her, there had been a little bit of perceived attraction between them, at least in her mind. Refusing to believe that she was making things up, because that sounded very depressing and she'd been pretty lonely so far at the Academy, really only making friends with him.

Hak smiled and glanced at her sidelong as they walked. "Okay then, yes. I asked you out." He let a few strides pass before adding, "I've wanted to for awhile, you know."

"This is going to sound like a really dumb question, but why? And why haven't you?" Jane just assumed he would understand the question and left him no hints as to what she'd really meant by why.

"I don't think that sounds like a dumb question," Hak's voice trailed off and the glass doors parted to the outdoors and the fresh, warm San Francisco air greeted them. "I don't know," he added a few steps later as they descended the concrete ramp toward the street levels. "I guess part of me is just afraid of getting distracted and messing up my classes," he admitted honestly.

"Well don't." Jane said simply. She knew that was a lot of help and it amused her slightly. "We could study together . . . . make sure we're keeping up. And honestly we don't have to do anything other than occasionally go to dinner . . . . or after this we don't have to do anything at all," she replied giving him an out.

Hak burst into a light, joyful laugh. Not because what she said was funny, although the fact that she was trying to sell him on the idea of going out or dating or befriending her, was sort of amusing at some level because he already could picture their future friendship as clearly as watching an old video. This was a picturesque moment with perfect weather, the waning sun casting them both in a golden light, and he was with this incredible, beautiful woman. "Yeah, I know you're right," he said after a moment. He spotted an empty bench nestled on the corner of a manicured park and motioned to it.

"Tell me about Jane Saulitis," he prompted as they sat down. He crossed one leg over the other casually and leaned back against the bench.

"You're going to have to be more specific than that. I could start telling you what I've had for breakfast every morning for the last month. Or my birthday and all relevant information but I'm sure that's not what you're asking. As you may have guessed, I'm not that social." But she tried anyway. "Hmm, I'm a thinker, I probably overthink things. I love reading, it takes me away in my imagination. I love chocolate, what woman doesn't? Especially chocolate ice cream. I have a routine before bed I almost always stick to, I hate people who pretend to be nice instead of saying how they really feel . . . . I love to laugh." She shrugged, having run out of ideas without some kind of idea what he was looking for.

"Wow. That was more than I expected to get," Hak said, grinning from ear to ear. He had looked throughly mesmerized by the woman's self-description, paying attention to every word and soaking up every nuance of her expression as she spoke. He already knew some of this about her, some of these things were easy for him to read and some of them his mind had imagined when it was quiet and alone. He had been attuned to her for some time now.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose, knowing that a logical and respectful approach to this gap in conversation should be answered by her telling a bit about himself. He cleared his his throat and cast his stormy green across the way at nothing in particular. "I'm half betazoid. You can't really tell by looking at me-- by my eyes, I mean. I got my eyes from my father, who I never got a chance to meet. He died before I was born. My mother won't talk about him at all, which is... a strange feeling... to have half of you with such rooted and documented history and the other half-- nothing. Like looking into complete darkness and not seeing anything." He took a sharp breath. "Well, that was a lot heavier than I'd meant for that to come out--"

He immediately pushed himself on in a much more upbeat tone, "Obviously chocolate is the best flavor profile there is. And ice cream... ice cream is good, but I know how to make this delgana-chocolate mousse that would knock you off your feet. You probably also wouldn't sleep for three days, but," he laughed, "it's so worth it."

"Well when we need to study for finals, you could bring some mousse. And . . . ." Jane said getting to the point of what she really wanted to know. "How much can you actually read? Just emotions or some thoughts?" She guess it didn't really make her nervous because they'd known each other for a while and obviously whatever he'd picked up from her hadn't scared him off yet.

"It kinda varies, depending on the person," Hak said honestly with a bit of a shrug. He knew what she was getting at though, "I mean, very little really. Most of the time, just really strong surface emotions. Fear, elation, anger... stuff like that," that part was also true. Except for you, he thought to himself and wondered as he looked over at met her eyes directly. Why are you so open to me?

Jane didn't seem to be bothered by this. "And do you find it hard to block out people sometimes? I mean do you ever get overwhelmed with everything?" She curled her legs up next to her on the bench as if they were going to spend the rest of the afternoon just sitting there talking. "If that's not being nosy, I'm just curious."

"You're allowed to be nosy," Hak laughed softly again. "I spent years on Betazed as a child. The expectation of privacy is a very different than what you're used to. Your question. I don't get overwhelmed. It's just like...." He sighed softly and shook his head. "Close your eyes."

"Now, imagine you're blindfolded and you're feeling your way down a hallway and you come across a door. Without opening the door, do you think you would be able to guess if on the other side there was a birthday party versus a funeral?" Hak bit his lip for a moment and muttered, "Depends on the door, right? If it's thin enough to hear through, if it's made of wood or metal or reinforced. It's kind of like that."

He leaned very close to her and kissed her softly on the lips. It lasted a second and he pulled back.

Jane had been completely focused on his soft voice and imagining the scenario he'd put in front of her, she didn't think she'd ever quite heard it put that way and it was fascinating to her. She wasn't expecting a kiss at all. She opened her eyes, surprised. Not normally known for blushing, she was now.

"Did you plan that or was it spur of the moment?" She asked, trying to understand his motives. Jane couldn't believe that he would take advantage of her, he just was not the type.

"It just... felt right," Hak said, feeling unsure himself of why he had kissed her so spontaneously. "I don't know, I ruined the moment and now I've gone and made things weird," he declared as he sprung to his feet and was clearly ready to bolt.

"No, Hak," Jane reached out to him. "It startled me but that's okay, I'm that way about everything. You're the only reason I was in that command chair because I let you talk me into it. I'm a chicken about most things, don't let that scare you."

He allowed her to grasp his hand and pull him back down to the bench, but Hak furrowed his brow at her confession of being afraid of things. "You're not chicken," he said with a compassionate, but firm tone. "You're smart and careful, but I don't see fear in you." He realized at that moment, he needed to come clean with her.

"I need to tell you something, Jas," it was the first time he'd referred to her by that nickname. He put his hand on top of hers. "When I told you before about the doors -- the analogy I used. It's different with you. It's like there's no door, and no blindfold."

"Jas?" Jane frowned slightly as she thought about that. "Has it always been that way? Since we met? Why didn't you say something sooner? Why do you think that is?"" She realized she might be overwhelming him with questions. "Okay, I'm not upset, which you should be able to feel but that is a bit different isn't it?" She laughed unexpectedly realizing she was still asking questions. "Hak, I don't know what it is but I've always felt comfortable with you."

Hak nodded along silently at her questions. All things he had already asked himself before. "Yes, it has always been this way. Something drew me to you on those first few days of classes and I wish I knew why or how, but I don't understand it." He looked as though he was struggling to explain as he pointed to his chest. "When I'm with you, it feels like it's bringing organization to chaos, or.. a calm to stormy waters."

Jane blinked at him. It was unexpected and completely flattering not that she thought she really had such a power over him though she had no reason to believe that Hak would lie to her. "I don't know what to say," she said honestly. "I guess you probably didn't want to scare me."

"I still don't want to," Hak said, trying to reassure her. "I don't know what it means, honestly. I don't believe in concepts of fate or soulmates or love at first sight. So I understand how crazy it sounds."

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I only think you're partially crazy." She stood up and offered her hand. "I believe you owe me lunch." As they walked off together it suddenly clicked in Jane's mind what he'd said. "Wait, do you love me?"

---

Cadet Senior Grade Jane Saulitis
Future Commanding Officer

Cadet Senior Grade Lee "Hak" Hakala
Future Spouse